Justin Hagerman: Comedian, Writer, Lover

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SUNDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2006

A Long Time

Tomorrow Kelly and I will celebrate five years together. That's a pretty damn long time, so I thought I'd take a moment to ponder what I've learned about relationships so far:

1) A relationship is a democracy with free speech in the initial stages, but this is eventually overthrown and replaced by a brutal dictatorship which would make Elián González piss his pants.

2) Even Bill Gates' wife probably complains about what her friends' husbands make

3) No matter how much you may dream, plead, beg, and pray for it, a threesome will never, ever, ever happen. Ever.

Despite these minor grievances, I've had a good time. And who knows? Maybe when we're in our late 90's and she has become horrendously senile, I could convince her to consider a threesome with a nursing home orderly...

This site has been experiencing a plethora of visits lately, and I'd like to think it's because of the ad space I purchased a few months ago. I was beginning to think it was a big waste of money, but thanks to some recent publicity we've been rolling in the hits!

You'd think advertising on Britney Spears' vagina would be costly, but luckily I bought this spot a few months ago while she was still on the sidelines. Unfortunately, my Diane Keaton left nipple ad isn't faring so well.

I'll be doing a few minutes at the open mic Tuesday at the Helium Comedy Club in Philly. More details are here.

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 2:30 PM | Comment on the message board