Justin Hagerman: Comedian, Writer, Lover

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MONDAY, MAY 1, 2006

Pretty Smooth

This weekend we wrapped up shooting on "Jake and Kate." Wow, we did that in just a few weekends. Went about 5,000x more smoothly than "Bliss."

Check out "Homin' with the Homeless" if you haven't done so already. People really seem to like it, so maybe we have a shot in hell at this movie biz thing anyway.

Oh, and to all the illegal Mexican immigrants boycotting stores today? That includes WaWa too, assholes. I ate up half my lunch break waiting in line. If you really want to fight for your freedom, you're going to have to learn to live without a chili bacon dog for one day.

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 08:39 PM | Comment on the message board

THURSDAY, MAY 4, 2006

Manhole

I'll be moving into an apartment with Kelly later this month. We'll be living in swank West Chester, PA. I'd invite you over, but West Chester is a hip scene. You don't strike me as hip.

At work today there came a point where I had to write about a manhole cover, and when I actually was typing the word out, it struck me as very humorous. M-a-n-h-o-l-e. Pretty nasty word when you think about it.

"Where do you work, Bob?"

"Me? I work deep under manholes. Seems like I'm always going in and out of manholes. My boy says when he gets older he can't wait to crawl into his first manhole, just like his old man."

I'll leave a "manhole cover" joke up to you.

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 09:29 PM | Comment on the message board

MONDAY, MAY 8, 2006

Frozen Tundra

They've moved my desk at work. I'm now directly under the air conditioning vent, so needless to say I'll be dressed like a Himalayan sherpa for the remainder of the summer.

My new hub.

Also, Comcast sucks. They have totally muscled out just about every other cable company in the tri-state area, so I'll be hocking organs all year just to get basic cable at my new apartment. Oh, well, at least I'll be warm in my apartment.

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 10:29 PM | Comment on the message board

TUESDAY, MAY 9, 2006

You can't spell "Fun" without "Fu"

The great thing about having a job where you watch commercials aired nationwide is that you occasionally come across some funny ones you wouldn't ordinarily see. Follow this link to see one from a fast-food chain on the west coast. Doubt you'd see a commercial like this in conservative ol' PA.

I'm working mad crazy overtime this week, so no site updates. I begin my night shift next week, so I should have more time during the day to work on stuff. F@%k sleep.

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 09:25 PM | Comment on the message board

WEDNESDAY, MAY 17, 2006

I Heart Caffeine, Sugar & B Vitamins

It's pretty late. Or really early, depending at how you look at it. I'm beginning to get used to the new late shift at work, but I'm also beginning to slip back into the abyss that is energy drink addiction. It's a really expensive habit-those little drinks range from $2-4 a pop. Honestly, cocaine is probably cheaper, and if they sold that at 7-11 as well, I'd be a major coke head by now.

So I've been adjusting to this new shift and getting ready for the "big move" next week. I'm so psyched; this'll cut almost 2 hours off my daily commute to work. 2 hours! And I'll save approx. $240 a month on gas. That's a lot of energy drinks!

Also, congrats to my stepbrother. He just had his first kid Monday, a boy. Actually, his wife had it. He was going to birth it himself, but he pussed out.

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 12:49 AM | Comment on the message board

SUNDAY, MAY 21, 2006

What if?

I'm getting ready to leave for work, and I'm listening to a radio program about the possibility of alternate universes. As I was cramming my jacket pockets with Red Bulls, this got me thinking: What if, in some other dimension, I don't have a crappy job? Maybe I'm a celebrity gynecologist, or possibly President of some country where every inhabitant can't take a leak without my say so? Hey, you never know.

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 02:36 PM | Comment on the message board

WEDNESDAY, MAY 24, 2006

Fast Food Christ

Got some great news for all you Wendy's fans-Dave Thomas is back!!!!!!!! That's right, the lovable, cuddable creature that spawned that pig-tailed slut is back from the grave.

Yesterday at work I viewed an ad that aired in Kansas last week and sure enough, Dave was in it. I thought he died in 2002 of liver cancer, but he's still going strong in Wichita. He was advertising some pitas, and a co-worker informed me they stopped selling those awhile back. But you can't blame old Dave for being a little confused-the guy's been dead for four years!

I suppose it could simply be an old commercial that accidentally aired, but I believe it's more likely that Dave Thomas has succeeded in quantum immortality. This is not to be confused with calorie restriction, which Mr. Thomas's close friend, Ronald McDonald, is known to practice. This is why Ronald looks so gaunt, yet appears unaged after making his debut 46 years ago. And yes, the idea of a mascot promoting 700 calorie burgers living a calorie-restrictive diet is irony to the max.

Ronald maintains his youthful appearance by subsiding on 700 calories a day.

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 01:11 AM | Comment on the message board