Justin Hagerman: Comedian, Writer, Lover

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THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2006

Go Boston, Go Boston!

Well Boston was nice. This was our first real vacation, so it was a learning experience. We learned:

a) Do not visit a museum at the same time 12 schools are doing field trips

b) Do not visit Salem at Halloween, and especially not during a monsoon. (And don't bother visiting the wax museum-it's just mannequins in pilgrim outfits)

c) People in the Northeast drive 10000,0000000 times better than people in PA & Jersey. And the roads, they're so clean!

We did have a lot of fun though, and I'd like to thank my aunt and uncle for letting us crash at their house. On the car ride up we discovered Tiffany Granath's advice show on the Playboy station on Sirius. It's a great show because the only people that call in are lonely, horny, illiterate truckers, and they always want anal sex advice. I don't know why I find that entertaining, but it is! She also encourages men to cheat if their wives/girlfriends aren't putting out, which is something I've been advocating for years.


So lifelike!	Soaking wet in the faux jail cell.

I'm scheduling open mic times, so I'll be posting a calendar with some dates this weekend. Maybe I'll even work on the fabled Jake & Kate page I've been promising since April! I'm such a lazy dick.

Peace,

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 2:52 PM | Comment on the message board

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2006

Quicky

Some quick things-I will be performing at various open mic nights until the end of the year, and you can get my current schedule here (I'll be adding more dates in the coming weeks). If anyone knows of any decent clubs, please send their names my way. Also, the Jake & Kate page is finally up. We are tearing through post-production and a finished product should be online before years end.

Today was the first time that I've ever voted in mid-term elections. They're not quite as exciting as the presidential election; they're more like the welterweight fights with two skinny Mexicans duking it out before the main event. The Republican Senator's supporters had children handing out flyers outside the polls, which I thought was kinda low. I was going to tear up the pamphlet right in front of his face, then engage in a heated political debate about America's role in the global economy and the responsibilities that come with it, but I was afraid that he'd outwit me, which would be really embarrassing. So I just told him that he was a tool and Santa isn't real, and then I went on my way.

Wanna get big laughs at the polls? If you use one of those booths with the curtain, be sure to visibly hike up your pants after exiting, then say, "Man, I don't remember eating all that! Now where do I vote?" Everyone will be chuckling, I guarantee it.

Song of the day: All the Things She Said by Simple Minds

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 3:00 PM | Comment on the message board

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2006

Sad Days

The past week has been very sad for the Hagerman/Rappa family. Last week our cat Lisa died at eight years old of cancer. During her last hours her best friend Elvis (our golden retriever) was there to comfort her, and she died in what appeared to be very little pain.

Two days ago Elvis died. I got a call Sunday afternoon saying he was found dead in the backyard, apparently from a sudden heart attack or stroke. We also got him in 1998, so it was very sad. We're not some farm family with 12 dogs and 3 dozen cats; we only have a few pets, so it was a very bizarre turn of events. I mean shit, the dog was healthy!

I called out of work Sunday to help bury the dog (he was rather large), because my stepfather was out on business and we weren't sure when he would be back. Work seemed cool with this, until I was informed yesterday that if you call out on the first day back from a vacation, you don't get paid for the vacation days. Doesn't matter what you call out for, that's the policy. So I will be losing pay for both last Thursday and Friday, something that kinda sucks this time of year. If I had children the conversation would go like this:

Me: Sorry Jimmy, Santa won't be bringing any presents this year.

Jimmy: (sniffs) Why not, father?

Me: The dog died.

Jimmy: (cries louder) The doggy is dead???

Me: I meant to tell you that earlier. My bad.

I wanted to wait a day to write this because I was so enraged all of last night and I didn't want to write something that would get my ass fired. But needless to say my #1 priority right now is finding another job, as my current company now fills me with disgust, rage and remorse that I wasted almost a year of my youth serving them. In retrospect, the only way I could've buried my dog in peace yet not have my vacation pay jacked from me would have been to do this:

On a totally unrelated note, I will be doing the open mic tomorrow at the Comedy Cabaret in Philly. Go here for more details.

Love,

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 11:41 AM | Comment on the message board