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SUNDAY, OCTOBER 18, 2007

"Instant Karma's Gonna F**K You..."

It wasn't that long ago that I was escorted out of NBC 10 studios for my stand-up faux pas (see the August 26th post) by a very irate 10! Show Executive Producer. Though I find the whole thing funny now, I'm still pretty miffed that I wasn't informed ahead of time that the audience would be full of kids. So when Paul told me that on Monday's episode karma had exacted its sweet revenge on co-host Lori Wilson, a guilty smile came to my face...

For God's sake, haven't they learned to screen their material by now? And how stupid is Lori Wilson? I mean, OK, maybe she didn't know what muff meant, but wouldn't she suspect that it was somewhat naughty when it's used in a line like "I'm Shaving Off My - For You?" What else could a word used there possibly mean? Did she think it meant "I'm Shaving Off My (Neck Hair) For You?" Wouldn't she at least ask someone before the show, just out of sheer curiousity? I do feel pretty bad for her though, because I know first hand what a sheer bitch her boss is. If she flipped sh*t because I said "Sperm" on the air, I can't imagine the Alcatraz-shower-raping Lori got.

Quick note: I'll be at Tori's on South Street Tuesday night around 10 pm doing stand-up, since Helium is holding some sort of a grudge against me. It's a restaurant, which is a tough gig, so if you're in the area please stop by and provide a laugh track for me. Who knows, maybe Lori will be there doing jokes about her annoying muff-lice...

JH

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 07:45 PM | Comment on the message board

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 7, 2007

Will the real Justin Hagerman please stand up?

Yesterday I Googled my name to see if I had been put on a sex offender list yet for the 10! Show incident (see August blogs), when I noticed something peculiar: Not only was this site not the first link to come up, but the first Justin Hagerman that came up wasn’t me. Now, Justin Hagerman isn’t a real common name-in fact, it’s a pretty shitty name. Most people pronounce it HOGerman, not HEYgerman. (“Hogerman” sounds like the name of an employee of the month at Auschwitz or something).

Anyways, I checked out the impostor Justin’s page, assuming this badass was a famous physicist or something to surpass me on Google, but no, he’s f**king 11-years-old. 11. My site isn’t seen until #3 (#2 is some ass who posted on Dave Barry’s page or something).

Welcome To Justin's Webpage!

You can imagine how royally pissed I was when I read that page description. I mean even for an 11-year-old, he sounds like a retard. His site is a paragraph long and it gets more hits than mine. Do you know how many hours I’ve put into my page? The only graphics he has are a lame thumbnail pic of a football player and one of those gay mailbox logos signifying an e-mail link, you know, the one’s that were popular on sites made in 1995.

I later noticed the copyright date at the bottom of the page, and it’s 7 years old, meaning he’s 18 now. (I was wondering why Limp Bizkit was one of his favorite bands). Though this actually makes me feel worse, because it means a kid's web site created 7 years ago gets more hits than my site. Granted, most of those hits probably come from pedophiles, but still, I could use those pedophile visits.

My name did surface again, on the 7th result, and it’s a link to the message board. Unfortunately it links to a thread I’m not too fond of:

The Comedy Page-Home of Justin Hagerman and Dead Dog View ...

Thanks Greg, for starting that thread. You’re awesome.

Well enough of that. Here are some quick things I'm too lazy to write a lot about:

• Starting this Tuesday, I'll be going to open mics at Helium on a regular basis again. Also, I'll be taking monthly treks up to NYC to check out their open mics. (If I'm going to sign-up and wait for 2 hours only to find that I didn't make the cut, I may as well be doing it in New York City)
• 30 Rock is the funniest shown I've seen in years. You should check it out. The writing is...awesome. And Tina Fey is...awesome and hot. (I recommend watching it at work). You can watch it online here. Bionic Woman ain't too shabby, either.
• I didn't get tickets to the Led Zeppelin concert, and I'm really bummed. I mean, most of the people who got tickets are probably scalpers or dudes who saw them when they were my age. How about giving the rest of us a shot, huh?????????
• If you haven't seen it yet, check out SNL's Digital Short "Iran So Far" here. Andy Samberg has my dream job...
• I was bored and drunk the other day, so I took a new headshot of myself, and it's here. I don't know if I like it or not...I think I do, but I don't usually trust my own opinion. Thoughts?
• I'm working on touching up the picture and sound on Jake & Kate, and when that's done, I'll send the DVD's out, because I know you've all been waiting eagerly by your mailboxes.
• What the hell is this? Singing toothbrushes? I saw an ad for the KISS toothbrush at work. What parents want Gene Simmons telling their children to put him in their mouths?
• I went up with Sean to a bar in Philly on Girard last night to see some bands, and when we left I was amazed to see that there are genuine working trolleys in the city. Trolleys!! WTF? I'm sure this is well known to people in the area, but I was pretty stoked. I mean, this thing looked old...

A f**king trolley!!

That's all for now. If anyone has any Led Zep tickets hanging around that they don't want, I'd be more than happy to take them off your hands...

JH

Posted by Justin Hagerman at 07:55 PM | Comment on the message board

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