"Hello, I am a recovering pornoholic."

    That sentence wasn't easy for me to say. That picture of me, taken only a year ago, is a picture of a man who was lost, lost in a world of self-destructive pornography addiction. As with any addiction, denial is a powerful enemy in the long battle to recovery.  But with the help of my family and friends, I was able to taper off of porn and for the most part strippers, and today I am a man reborn. -Anonymous

    Pornoholism is no different from alcoholism.  Rather than being addicted to alcohol consumption, pornoholics are addicted to pornographic movies, images, and even sounds.  And contrary to popular belief, pornoholics aren't just religious leaders. They could be your neighbor, mailman, or grandfather.  But despite the differences in age, race, etc., these men are all linked in one way: a devastating addiction to pornography.  This can lead to breakdowns in marriages, friction-related penile burns, and a staggering credit card bill.  But how can you tell if you're a pornoholic?  Well we have prepared a list of questions to help you determine if you are "addicted to tit," medically speaking.

Step one: Admitting that you have a problem

• Are the blinds in your house always closed?
• Do you have a specific credit card designated for porn sites?
• While watching a porn with friends, do you comment on the directing?
• Do you call the man at the sex shop by his first name?
• Are your forearms abnormally large?
• Is your dog named Jenna?
• Do you have a 900 number on your speed dial?
• Does the adult video store send you a birthday card?
• Do you refer to real sex as "boring?"
• Do you have no job, food, or money?
• Does your trash can weigh less than a pound because it's filled with tissues?
• Have you lost touch with family and friends?
• Are you flabbergasted when someone doesn't know what ATM means?

Step two: Realizing you're not alone
 

    Congratulations!!  You've made it past the first step.  Now you probably feel isolated and scared, with no one to go to.  Fear not, for you are not alone.  The following celebrities are hardcore porn fanatics.  
 

Step three: Coming to grips with masturbation addiction
 

    After years of painstaking research, we here at T&AA have devised a method which guarantees success. It's called The Cookie Replacement Method. Based on the pleasure-reward system developed by some famous psychologist, Cookie Replacement rewards you when you do good. Here's how it works: every minute that goes by that you refrain from viewing porn, you get a scrumptious chocolate chip cookie.

    It's that easy! And it's fun, too! If you go an hour at work without retreating to the men's room for a midday whack, that's sixty cookies! Yum! So, on an entirely successful day, you will have consumed one thousand, four hundred and forty cookies!

    Mmm-mmm good!

    Disclaimer: THE COOKIE REPLACEMENT METHOD WORKS AFTER A MINIMUM OF 2-3 MONTHS. AFTERWORDS, IT MAY BE WISE TO CONSULT OUR SISTER GROUP, COOKIES ANONYMOUS. IT MAY ALSO BE WISE TO DROP BY WEIGHT WATCHERS, AS YOU WILL HAVE GAINED THREE TO FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS.

    Good luck everyone!

For more information

    Where'd my Wife, House, and Dog Go? Coping With Masturbation Devastation, by Dr. Gary Cupping
    Hard-On, Hard-Off: Living Without Pornography, by John Acmis
    Chicken Soup for the Fist-F**k Flick Addict Soul, by Jack Canfield (Editor), Mark Victor Hansen (Editor)

For more on Cookie Replacement, try...

    Dealing With Diabetes, by Andrew Wyling
    You Were Probably Better Off Before, by Justin Hagerman (Editor), Tits and Ass Anonymous

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